i have changed my blog to

http://iknowthiswillpass.blogspot.com/

Humans here , do your know whats the saddest thing in life , its to lose or lost someone you love .
if your have realised something is difference in my facebook .
yeah , perhaps im not good enough for you , thats why ...
But my feelings for you have never change since day2 . and i know it will never .

nabei i dono whats happening .. i feel so down , from the start of the morning .. when i see FB . FB was the cause of it ... i wanted to talk to someone .. but i couldnt find .. i dono how to start .. too much things too talk .. i feel like telling my uncle everything .. i feel that he could understand how i felt .. maybe i should tell him after work .. i wanted his advice .. but what if he tell grandma about it .. i dont know . i dont know where i want to go or do .. life is really hard .. i feel that im someone whose despo for love.. i cannot dont have love .. ..... i wants to commit suicide .. and ya .. i should not tell my friends that cos uncle says that he wont make friends w/ppl that everyday wants to die .. but now im telling livejournal . so its okay . i just hope that i will never ever wake up again .. or i hope that this was just a nightmare .........................a nightmare that i will soon wake up ..... I WISHED I COULD JUST HUGGED YOU )':

gucci ! woah.. if i could afford this bag .. i

FUCK . FUCK . FUCK . I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO BE TRUE .. I FIND OUT THAT I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I LOVE MYSELF ! FUCK SHIT !!! WHY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH? WHY WHY WHY ... WHY I ALWAYS LOVE A GUY UNTIL CAN DIE ! REALLY FUCK UP ... FUCK LA . NABEI CCB . WHENEVER THE MORE I LOVE YOU , THE MORE YOU PUSH ME AWAY . MY DESIRE FOR YOUR LOVE HURTS ME ! FUCK SHIT STUPID .

i have notice ur change .. and i know i wont let go .. do you know how much i want to see you? i wanted to see you on 30NOV becos maybe got class gathering ... so im risking my life just to see you my dear .. even if its just for a minute .. im fine .. i really really miss you alot .. you won't understand .. Even when you said 'no' in msn ..my heart broke . but i wont question you more .. becos i know u would get irritated , i don want that to happen .. OK . i didnt blame you . So long as you're happy , im happy too . :)

TOday ... i find work getting tiring and tiring .. i hate waking up early and prepare myself for work .. i want to sleep .. :( .. but for money sake , i shall go .. i want to buy something nice for dear.. but i cant spent too much money .. IM NOT SELFISH .. its just that my mother will ask me where is the large amount of money gone to .. for me , i wont mind spending a large amount of money for my love one . i just want to know what you like , so i can buy something you like for you .. and you tell me to stop asking .. i dowan to buy something you don like .. nevermind dear i will listen to you and stop asking , i will try my best to buy something best for you .. :)
Lunch went out to jack's place @ bras basah w/uncle . i ate beef(steak) when im not suppose to :P haha.. until now, im still not hungry .. yay ! can diet .. lol .. talked alot w/;uncle .. i really enjoy talking to him .. he again told me to study hard , i really want to listen to him and be a useful person in the future .. but i donno why i don have the heart to do so .. i dono why ...i also asked him many questions about relationships .. and i find it quite useful .. he also told me his style of wooing girls .. haaha. interesting . I really feel that whoever could marry him in the future is a really lucky women .. good luck ! :) HOPe i could marry the prince charmng deep in my hear too .. :)
love you bii ;) Bii , i just want to tell you this ..

im so hurt this few days .. i feel that you change alot .. im worried that you are going to leave me .. i put on a fake smile infront of everybody but deep in my heart , my heart is hurting , bleeding , breaking . I don feel good . i purposely spend money to make myself happy and satisfied but it does't work .. i go for pedicure . i bought my GUESS wallet ..and i spent more than a $100 this weekend .. .. but my mood didn't improve .. i also went to church .. yes , becos i wanted to be a christian for you . Cos you meant alot to me . thats why . DID your feelins for me really fade ? i don't know . im afraid . i cant take the hurt anymore . This few days im thinking alot ..alot ....
have you fallen for another girl? or am i not good for you? or your feelings really do fade ? or are you stress? i meant you well .. do you find me irritating now?
I don get why guys always treat girl so so so well when they haven got the girl or when they are w/ the girl for the first month ..
tyhen when they start getting tired of the girl , they will slowly change their attitude ..
stop being mushy and caring .. but girls could be faithful for their lives . they mean it when they are willing to say iloveyouforever . they really do . Lile most TV shows , mistress are often treated better than their own wives . They can buy gold and things the mistress like .. and make the wives stay at home and do housework .. also never give thm this kind of benefits .. lol . WOMEN lives ARE like this .
Its never easy to find a guy which could love you for lives .. 要找一个爱你一生一世的人是不容易的。。

For i cant l cant live without you ! Today i in office keep thinking , what if one day you really leave me . I dont know what i can fend for . I wont know whats life and happiness is all about . If you had not step into my life , i think my life will still be in total darkness , i can thank no one but you ! :) My greatest wish is that you will never ever leave me . BUt i don have much confidence that you will ALways stay by my side . COsyou told me that wont promise me that i wont cut myself again .. :( 我真得很害怕有一天会失去你。我知道没有你的日子会很难过。我不能想象没有你，我会成为一个怎么样的人。是你让我找到幸福 。。 我会用我一生来爱你。

ok okk ok ok kkk ... fine .. Im really very disappointed that you treat ur 'brother' better than me ! You listened to what he said rather than to side w/me . YOu make me really angry and want to cry in the office .. i really feel like showing you my anger and my feeling , but bcos i love you, i didnt ! I dont want you to find me a very 小气 girlfriend and give this excuseto leave me .

This few day dono why so tired .. can sleep all the way till morning . Guess , its becos of my eyes .. Monday woke up to be abit swollen .. actually dowan go work ..but father , uncle say ok .. so for money sake go lor .. then after that in the aftnn starts to get itchy ! so at night go see doctor . and the doctor fee is exactly the same as what i have earned for the day ! LOL . how coincidence this can be !


FinALLy finally , tomrw is FRIDAY again ! YEA ! really very very happy :) ! cause saturday can go shopping again ! this tyme i wanted to buy , lol i also dono .. hahaah .
okok .. shall end here , going watch the penguin dad in channel 8 . its nice ! haahahahahahaaah

思念是一种痛 。。。

sometimes i really wonder ..
- am i still important to you like before ..
- will we have a future ..
- do you mean it when you said i love you every night before we sleep ..
- will you pull my hand back when i want to leave you ..
-will you love me forever ..
- will you ever hurt me ..
I really want to know all these , but i wont ask you , cos i never want to hurt myself by hearing the truth .. maybe sometimes what i really expect is too much.. maybe i should be contented if i just have you .. i should not even have expected too much from you , so i should rreally change .. High expectations dont always turn out to be good ! or maybe you are much more perfect than me , or maybe i am not a good girlfriend . But i will never ever want to leave you , cos simply, i love you too much !

haha .. so long no tyme write journal .. lol . dear came back le .. haha .. lyke 2days ago? haha . just saw his facebook's cruise photo .. and im really happy cos he wore the necklace i bought for him , with love .. haha .
ohyah .. i had a really bad dream few days ago .. i dreamt that i got my bill for this month then i spend on thousands of sms then my parents were really mad, cos they knew that im still sms-ing dear .. then my dad locked me up in a room and ask me to reflect .. that scene was really scary cos never seen them so mad before .. lol . then when i was locked in the room , i suddenly wake up ! woah , lucky it was just a dream ! but i know when the bill come , they would sure ask why so many sms .. and im going to fight back for my rights . !
then last friday got back my pay , and after paying all my debts , i left not much money le .. haiz ..
and when i frist got my pay, i was like fucking happy , and sudden that i forget how to count notes ! it was so embarrasing . ! .. LOL .
yESTerday and today , weekend , both days wenty to bugis street , yesterday also went to plaza sing .. haha .. looking for GUESS shop in plaza sing , but don have , so went to bugis junction ..i really wonder whther GUESS is too old already>? and not really trendy anymore? i really dono .. and still considering whether to buy as the price is considerable ........

Cause I love you and I miss you, hearing your voice is the closest thing to touching you ...

Im going to miss you like fuck . three days cant sms my dear cos he went to cruise; malaysia HOPE HE HAD HIS FUN THERE ! by not hong-ing zabor . BUT I CHOSE TO TRUST YOU ! :) . cant hear ur voice , cant msn .. im going to be really damn bored .. haiz .. TODay W0rk damn busy .. first tyme sia ..everytyme i always have free tyme de that i hate it , but today is lyke too busy le . don even have tyme to surf net or what .. but at least still have tyme to sms dar can le . :) Yesterday and today talk to huimin( justin's Y ex/gf )(its too complicated) in msn ..and i totally enjoy talking w/ her ..hear many things and get to know more too . i this person very kaypoh want.. everything also want know .. haha .. i also know how complicated love is .. a relationship is not only i love you, you love me can already, it also consist other stuffs , which i don even know . maybe emotions / the people around you ? ..... AND my diet plan FAILED !  what the fuck?  im too tempted by food and i gave myself in . lol . such a failure .


Dear , we going about two weeks never see each other le , i really miss you . i wonder how have you been? have you grown taller , more muscular, more fats , more cuter ? haaha . I just want to tell you , i may not be able to see you as often as i like , but deep in my heart i truly know , you are the one i truly love , and i cant let you go . I really don't know how im going to cope without you in my life for this two months , Two months sound short , but in fact its really long as i have expected . I chose to trust you . ILY .

maybe sometimes i really expected too much from you .. maybe i expected you to do many sacrifices for me , expecting you to do things for me ,to prove that you love me , probabably its wrong .



Ysterday went to fareast plaza & bugis street . W/ My grandma . Ur must have thinks its embarrasing right ? haha . but i think still okay la .. i kept my record clean . i did not bought anything in fareast even though got so many tempting things . instead, i just bought a top which cost only $10 in bugis street .. haha . i saved some money ! Have to plan for dar's birthday present and maybe christmas ( if his buying me one .) LOL . But dar, how much i spend for you , does not mean how much you are worth to me in my heart .  :)  Yesterday very happy , chat with dar on the phone until 1AM . then he said that he wonder what i would buy for him this year for his birthday and next year , and many many more years .. haha ! which means i could be with him for many years . really wish
that my hopes wont be shattered .. I don ever want to wake up from this beautiful dream . Let it be a dream which can last forever .
Today work, nothing much to do , quite free. got tyme to surf net . and sms with dear . haaha . today boss told me to go his office room and he talk to me ! in a friendly tone ,im shocked ! haha . he said that i should think about what i want to work as i the future as i got this chance to try working out in the office and he also bought for me a tee from germany . its not really nice , but i still appreciate his thoughts . :)
i think i must go on diet le , cannot continue eating 3 main meals everyday le , if not really will grow fats de . i am starting a diet plan ; haaha . breakfast ; bread ; lunch ; just a fruit juice or soya bean ;dinner ; normal rice or noodle . LOL . i wonder i can do it ? always lunch tyme like really dam fucking hungry lor .. then today actually ant start th diet plan but in the end too tempted to eat ! LOL . ......NOw im missing you again ..
i miss your smiles , your laughter , your jokes, your funny acctions , your voice , your huggs , your cute face ! haaha .
cant wait for School reopen even though i know its still so long !


REAL LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL;Even though you're not here and nowhere to be found, my heart says you're still here and everywhere to be found. ; When we're together or when we're apart, you're first in my thoughts and first in my heart.
Love cannot live where there is no trust .

Everything in life is temporary, because everything changes. That's why it takes great courage to love, knowing it might end anytime but having the faith it will last forever.

yesterday chat with dar until 2AM . after that cant sleep . very happy can chat with dear , very long never chat le .. we chat until fucking happy . :) Today Saturday , went to Square2 & CitySquare mall with mother .. we walk around Square2  , and i bought nothing .. want to go Fareast Plaza but mother lazy .. stupid , cant buy my bag in Fareast Plaza . but nevermind went to Charles&Keith in CitySquare and finally took a fancy on a bag , decide on it for very long .. in the end bought another bag in C&K . Even though this brand is not a really branded bag , like LV or Prada etc etc. but im still satisfied with this . haha . im a easily contented person .  My next aim is a Guess Wallet . lol . now i know how much woman loves branded goods . Wish i could own a PRADA OR LV bag before i reach 25 ? haha . MONEY WORKS WONDER . today i spent $150 . Money is really important . People always says, without money , everything is fake .  I want to earn lots of money in my life.. haha .. ok ...im stopping here ..
signing offf ; MANDY .



IM MISSING YOU .
IM MISSING YOU .
IM MISSING YOU ,
IM MISSING YOU .
IM MISSING YOU .
IM MISSING YOU .
IM MISSING YOU .
IM MISSING YOU .
IM MISSING YOU .
IM MISSING YOU ,
IM MISSING YOU .
IM MISSING YOU .
IM MISSING YOU .
IM MISSING YOU .
IM MISSING YOU .
LOL . LAME .

Missing someone is really hard & pain .. i cant describe this kind of feeling .. but its bad..  yesterday didnt went to work so didnt earn money , but in the end spend more money .. spend $50 plus on clothes .. haha . when you spend your hard-earned money , the feeling is really different .  And i also know the class i am going to next year ! Its 3E4 ! haha i went to the same class as fel .. im glad . (: im studying F&N next year . But too bad i cant go 3E3 to study POA , Im really interested in this subject . Maybe next tyme im going to learn accounts outside . if i can afford it . :)  Today went to lunch with two female colleagues , and we talk talk talk , quite alots to talk , then suddenly dono why we talk about the topic on boyfriend . And i learnt something new , they told me that if you always ask abt the whereabouts of your guy ,and everything ..ask alot all these , there is a higher chance your guy will want to go fool around , becos the less freedom you give your guy, the more freedom they would want .. so from now on , im going to ask lesser .. not too much .. i don want to lose my dar .. lol .
i also learnt alot from my uncle that education is so important , really , without education , i wont have money, without money , i cant have good life , without good life, i have no choices , without choices , i have no freedom , without freedom , i cant choose what i want to do , but to be told what to do , without education nobody would listen to your ideas no matter how good it is . haha.. learn so much today . so maybe , starting from next year, if i am not lazy, im going to study real hard . :)



Everytime I look you straight into your eyes
I cant explain this feeling but its blowing up my mind
The touch of your hands and the touch of your lips
Make my temperature rise, so i know that is love . ~

 ♥ SLJJ

I don ever wanna lose you ~
ILYSLJJ
Missing you is like hell ...

another working day have pass.. haha . the pay day is getting nearer too ..hhaha.. today go work.. bo uncle .. he never go cos go malaysia play golf.. lols . so i in office really very bored and also lonely.. but then of cos still got work do, but not that much . then see msn contact list bo ppl online ; totally is all offline de lor.. maybe cos my msn contact list too little ppl le.. less than100 .. haha . Lucky dar today wake up early to online for me ; haha, he say de leh.. online FOR ME . dono how true this sentence is , but anyway i will still say , THANKS DAR! I LOVE YOU ! :D . so i msn with dar as i do my work .. and i also use FB . Hope tmrw dar also can online for me again .. but will be difficult as he going out tmrw . DAR, YOU MAI GO HONG ZABOR HOR, AI HONG HONG DABOR DU HOH . haha , but i chose to trust you . hope tmrw i can drop by viv0 during my lunch hour , if possible .. lol . i so long never see my dar le , really miss him like siao .. but i wonder if he misses me as much . hope this two months our relationship wont change ; wish that its still going to be as good as before or even better ! :)
today someone made me almost cry in MSN-CONVO hor ... but at least you call me la dar .. so i forgive you .. you call me means you care .. (:
Kk .. im sleeping soon . Tmrw will be a better day . lol. lame .
loves you ..SLJJ . (:

Finally had the chance to experience working (: ! really happy .. get to earn money and spend by myself with no worries . work in my uncle office today . im going to work for 2months until holiday ends . hope i wont be fired halfway . lol . im a hardworking worker ok.. i was so nervous today when i entered the office.. hands all sweat..  then the first thing i was asked to do was do filing .  then something embarrasing & funny happened! my stapler bo bullet le , then i was given a bullet ...but i dono how to refill the stapler with bullet ! how xia suey can i be? lol . sec2 le still dono how refill stapler ..but after that i learnt many things in the office like; binding , stread paper, filing,  etc . .then lunch time went with colleagues and uncle to upper boon keng eat lunch . i kept so quiet when with them ..lol! all adults ;bo common topic to talk about .. the youngest is just 20! haha . but then working really teach me alot of things ..  i must have more education ,if not people will order me to do work ..instead of me ordering them ..and i got no say  ... i dowan this kind of life in the future ..i want to suceed in life . i want to order ppl , and not to be ordered !

my life is really like a prisoner now ... everyday go home must call my mother and she will record what time i come home everyday.. siao . i cannot take it leh.. and my sister tell me got one time that my mother maybe transferring me to siglap sec.. if she really transfer , i going to find dai ji everyday, everyday go home late late.. sometime don come home.. see what she can do..it is my parents who force me until i do all these rebellious things.. i just now hope that she wont transfer me.. i also dowan to make them angry.. i also want them to understand me and give me what i want .. all i want is FREEDOM , as simple as ABC. if so simple they also cannpt give me, what kind of parents are they?
its all that old bitch fault.. just becos tong saw me walking to schl with him,he ask her to call my parents .. even if we are walking together does not mean anything what , we can just be normal friends also what.. kao pei.. my life really suck to hell .

today i went to temasek poly for sports carnival .. the school s0 big and nice, i aspire to study in this school. .  lol . today i got a gold trophy with some netball girls when i did not even play netball.. haha .. today i very happy can spend lots of time with him ...(: but i know that is hould not expect him to keep accompanying me .. the rules for relationship is that relationship is lie holding sand on your hand ... i should not hold the sand too tightly on my hands or the sand will trickle through my hand ... i should respect him and give him freedom . (:

我现在才发现你原来没有那么爱我　。。。
可是我还依然那么深爱着你。。。